Imprinted forever

I have seen certain tragedies throughout my life. Watching things unfold on the news, in slow motion, thinking that this couldn’t be real. Wondering if more tears could flow from my eyes. The things I was seeing on television seems unfathomable, human beings could not be capable of such disgusting acts of violence. So many lives in terror. Uprooted and left to hang in the balance. unfortunately there are horrible people in the world, pushed somehow to the brink of madness, or insanity. I am in no way justifying or excusing any actions, for any tragedy for any reason. I am only trying to make sense of the senseless.

Today I cried. I cried hard. I tried to avoid the news. When word broke on Friday that somebody opened fire in a Connecticut school, I instantly said a small prayer that everyone would be okay. When the news said that kindergarten kids were the victims, I closed my eyes and prayed for the parents of those kids who now have a hole in their hearts. Those parents, like us, sent their kids to school with the assumption that it was a safe place kids could go to learn, love and grow.

Now the funerals have begun. Today was the first day I could bring myself to watch the news. Today two little boys were buried. Nothing could be sadder. Nothing could be worse. How do you, as a parent, wake up in the mourning and bury your child? Nobody should have to do that. My heart is broken for those families. As the tears flowed down my face, I prayed while listening to the names of the victims and short descriptions their parents provided were read out; happy, a mischievous smile, loves puppies, kind to his sister, loved school…and so on. And these beautiful children were in kindergarten. They then spoke of the teachers who shielded the students, warned others and put themselves before the 6 and 7 year olds. Heros. These teachers were angels. They were braver than one should ever have to be in life. They were selfless and giving. Protective, without giving a second thought to helping those students who must have been so scared. Now they will be angels in heaven. All of them are angels in heaven.

I got to kiss and hug my kids today. I hope and pray that these families can find the strength and support from each other that they need. I hope these families are able to find sunshine one day, in a world that seems nothing but dark and evil. I hope America can figure out a way to make gun laws stricter. I hope for a lot. But what I hope for most of all, is that the heart and souls of these beautiful children and teachers will live in our hearts forever. I hope that nothing like this ever happens again. I hope we will not fear sending out kids off to school, off to a place where they should be comfortable and safe and shielded from evil.

I don’t even know if I will be able to bring myself to watch any of the other funerals. I don’t know if my heart can take it. I will bray for those kids and their families. I will pray for that town and I will pray that the media will respect their broken hearts and broken lives and let them heal, without sucking the world into a gun-law debate and forget it should be about the victims. I hope we never forget those faces. I hope we never forget Sandy Hook Elementary. I hope we never forget those 26 victims:

Charlotte Bacon, 6

Olivia Engel, 6

Dylan Hockley, 6

Jesse Lewis, 6

Ana Marquez-Green, 6

Grace McDonnel, 7

Emilie Parker, 6

Noah Pozner, 6

Jessica Rekos, 6

Daniel Barden, 7

Josephine Gay, 7

Madeleine Hsu, 6

Catherine Hubbard, 6

Chase Kowalski, 7

James Mattioli, 6

Jack Pinto, 6

Caroline Previdi, 6

Avielle Richman, 6

Benjamin Wheeler, 6

Allison Wyatt, 6

Victoria Soto, 27, teacher

Mary Sherlach, 56, school psychologist

Lauren Rousseau, 30, teacher

Anne Marie Murphy, 52, teacher

Dawn Lafferty Hochsprung, 47, principal

Rachel D’Avino, 29

Nancy Lanza, 52, gunman’s mother

The imprint on my heart will last forever.

Be safe,

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